why him and not me?
by procrastinator65
Summary: Unrequited love was a heart breaking thing, Lovino knows. And he takes the cowards way out. Rated M for suicide


**A/n: Another spamano fan fiction? That's unexpected –shot-  
>Anyway I thought I would write something sad to get all the angst out of me so I don't go killing off characters in my other stories! Also I'm thinking of starting a new fic that's not my OTP, so I ask you FrUk or USUK?<strong>

**This is an AU of sorts.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

I stared at it and all its wonderful beauty, if you're wondering what 'it' is, that would be my gun. So beautiful yet so deadly. A bit like those flowers you see in the countryside they look wonderful but you don't realise how poisonous it was until it's far too late.

I was sat in my kitchen everything was set up the note was ready and everyone was out. Not that they would care anyway, but I did make it easier, not hearing your brother being cooed at and showered with affection from the man you were in love with.

I felt my chest tighten, damn it! Why couldn't it be me? I stayed with him through so much and that bastard won't even acknowledge me! He probably thinks I'm in the way.

Well I won't be for much longer.

I looked down at the gun again, was I nervous? No. Was I scared? Maybe a little. What would happen if I survived? I heard that some people can, it rare but it's happened.

I decided that these thoughts were getting me nowhere, so I lifted the gun to my head and felt myself smile, it was a sort of manic empty smile, 'finally' was all I could think.

And then I pulled the trigger.

Antonio was walking down the street to visit Lovino, he hadn't heard much from the younger recently and went to see if he was alright and seeing his brother would be a bonus! He could help him make Lovino some soup if he was sick.

With all these new happy thoughts circling his mind, he walked with an extra spring in his step towards the upcoming house.

As he got to the front door, he realised the door was unlocked, 'strange' he thought, with the increase in mafia activities these days the brothers tended to lock the doors more often.

'Maybe they just forgot they are both very clumsy' he giggled to himself as he continued inside the house.

As he entered the hall way, Antonio could definitely sense something was off; he just could not put his finger on it.

"Hola? Anyone home?" he called out from the living room, looking around he could not help but feel a sense of dread crawling up his spine, he really wanted to get out of here but something made him stay.

He moved to the kitchen and stopped when he saw it and he now knew why he felt so apprehensive.

Blood

Lots of blood, all coming from a source hidden behind the counter.

Antonio's mind screamed at him to stop, but his body had different ideas, it wanted to torture him by confirming his suspicions.

'Oh god. No'

'Please god anything but this.'

There lay Lovino, his former henchman and his love. A steady stream of crimson flowing from the small hole in his head. A gun lay a few feet away from him.

Antonio fell to his knees, blood soaking through his trousers, but he did not care, his whole body was numb and one thought kept replaying through his head 'why?'

He brought a shaky hand to his shoulder and started to nudge him gently.

"Hey Lovino, come on the joke is over, wake up!" anxiety and fear evident in the Spaniards voice.

"Lovino, wake up!" still no response.

"LOVINO! Why won't you wake up?" more shaking.

Antonio broke down into tears and collapsed his body on top of the cold pale one. His body shook as he cried hysterically into the younger blood drenched shirt. Antonio was almost covered in as much blood as Lovino was his sobs and died down and now silent tears ran down his face and he starred with empty eyes into the icy bloody hand he was now grasping almost fearing that if he let it go, Lovino's body would disappear.

He saw a flutter of white, pass his vision, and land softly next to Antonio's free hand. He saw that is had some writing on it and picked it up.

It was a note, Lovino's last thoughts.

_Antonio,_

_I'm taking the cowards way out, it just hurts so god damn much that I can't take it anymore! My heart can't take it anymore, can't take being shattered, every time you tell my brother that you love them and yet, you never say that to me. Am I not good enough? Even though it was years ago, I remembered when you wanted to trade me for him. You knew I have an inferiority complex towards my brother, you bastard! _

_I wrote a little poem to end this, whether you read it or not don't care._

_I shiver and stare,  
>at the cold hard floor.<br>As the shadows of my love,  
>dance across the walls.<em>

_You took my heart  
>and threw it in the bin,<br>because all you had eyes for,  
>was my next of kin.<em>

_You liked him more;  
>I know this to be true.<br>Why the hell was I,  
>so in love with you?<em>

_Toying with my heart,  
>and for this you shall pay.<br>As you walk past my tombstone,  
>for the rest of your days. <em>

_Arrivederci _

Antonio started to shake, how could he have been such a fool? He should have known the boy was always fragile and now he had pushed him to the tipping point. He loved Lovino so much but never knew how to say it or express himself and now it was too late. So many emotions flooded the Spaniard at once grief, denial, anger (at himself). He felt dizzy for a moment and suddenly a sharp pain, went tore through his chest.

He fell unconscious next to his lost love.

"Will he ever wake up?" A small voice asked. The small auburn haired male cast a saddened look at his friend. He could no longer cry all his tears had gone when he sent away his brother.

The doctor rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "physically he's fine but he seems to be suffering from some kind of emotional turmoil, he will not wake up unless he wants to, I'm sorry."

"Feliciano maybe we should go, visiting hours are nearly over." A tall blonde man with azure eyes gently turned the younger male away, treating him like glass. He had lost his brother and now he was losing one of his closest friends.

"He only has two week left Ludwig, and then they turn off the life support." The boy voice was empty and monotone and had been ever since discovering his brother's bloody body and note.

"Maybe it's for the best." Was all he could offer as they left the white building knowing that, with heavy hearts filled with sorrow, the blonde was right.

Antonio would not want to live in a bleak world without Lovino.

Love me? Hate me? Review? Please?


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